walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
