i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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