Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This baby is an asshole
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
