Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
