she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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