No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
