Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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