Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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