I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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