I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
