walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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