You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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