his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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