You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
