I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
