I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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