South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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