my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Your penis caused this!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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