The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We named our party play list daddy issues
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize