If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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