I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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