he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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