No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
