I want to stick my p in your. b.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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