I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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