i would punch a child for taco bell
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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