Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
