Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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