Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
