mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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