honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
