I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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