The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
