I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
