go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
