i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
