Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
