sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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