Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
