hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dear god my vagina.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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