tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
