I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
