he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
