New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
