YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
