i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
