holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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