Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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