Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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