I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
