i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
