How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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