Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
