my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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