I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
