He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She needs sedatives and a leash
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
