R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
