i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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