What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do herpes really smell.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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