Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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