Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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