just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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