how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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