saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
