I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
