I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
