her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
