Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
